Distancing yourself from someone you love, doesn't necessarily make life any easier when you are fed up to the proverbial "here" *holds hand to forehead*.  I am beginning to resent the fact that I must struggle to make ends meet.  I catch myself saying, "can you just shut the fuck up...your voice is irritating the hell out of me".  Or the fact that their mere presence puts my mood into an instant state of irritation. I don't know what I am going to do.  We certainly have a long history (almost 8 years).  Do I want to throw that much away, just because I am resentful of the present situation?  What happened is certainly something that I would call an unmanageable.  Is my emotional unavailability something that I am putting up as a defense?  Or am I simply falling out of love with someone that I share a child with.  There are many questions that surround this circumstance...He loses his job...ok, shit happens.  There is a bout of depression, since he loved this job, Ok, that is to be expected.  But there comes a point when you are neglecting your duties as a "husband" and father, and it seems that he has accomplished both equivelently this past week.  I don't expect anything really...it is simple...just keep the house picked up, and take the kid to school and pick him up afterward.  Thing is...he has been sleeping alot lately, and decided to take a nap while I was sleeping (I work graveyard shift).  He was 45 minutes late picking up my son, and they called his grandma to pick him up.  When I found out, all I said was, "YOU ARE FUCKING UP!!".  He held his head down, presumably in shame and said "I know".  I am beginning to get irritated when I see him, I can't stand to hear his voice...I don't know.  Is this my problem or his?

He has been unemployed for over a month now, and I am getting to the point of struggling to make ends meet.  I am seeing him as an extra mouth to feed, and trust me, this man eats.  When you are with someone for the long haul, it is through thick and thin...good and bad...am I just flawed, am I a bitch, should I be more patient and forgiving?...I don't know.  I almost look at him, and I see that even though my attitude toward him has changed, he still loves me unconditionally.  Why can't I feel the same way?...I am torn between love and practicality... And I feel like he isn't trying as hard as he could be.  What do I do?  Do I allow more time?  Do I just wait it out and hope that I can deal with this myself?...I know that when I feel this way, I begin to experience guilt, because his love for me is unwavering...why am I not as steadfast?...

Am I lacking something?  I don't know...I can take criticism...tell me what you think.